He was born in Samsun. He grew up as a typical Black Sea Region man. His concept of chastity consisted of horse, woman and gun like every other Turkish man.He was the youngest one of his family thus he was very valuable. He was never interested in studying, he was pretty good – looking and he felt good about being the rowdy and handsome thanks to all attention paid to him. Despite not studying he had to have a certain occupation yet his family raised him with the feelings that he didn’t need to study and he wouldn’t need any money as long as they existed. However why would such a bright guy not have any job ? We would reach the sky if we understood the mentality of elderly. Well he had to have the most beautiful girl too and he did. He kidnapped the girl when she was only 16. He was 17. After family meetings, gatherings etc, they got married.
He took a big step without understanding the life, getting mature and being aware of the concept responsibility Meanwhile she was not also a very beautiful girl but also a very intelligent one. When her primary school teacher came to her house and told her father that she was very bright and she needed to study, her father refused and wanted the teacher to leave as it was unnecessary for a girl to study according to her father which meant fate had already guaranteed everything in advance.
Later it became an inexplicable love marriage. They are 68 – 70 now and they have been still looking at each other in the same way they did years ago.
Their first child was born in the first year of their marriage when they were still children and the second was born after seven years.
When he began realising what life was about, he tried to grow into a man in both Istanbul and abroad. He had two daughters and a wife. This story is about a man and his little daughter.
It took him a while to understand that he had skipped something. What was it? The responsibility of being a family but noone told him that he had to learn this. In contrast to this whatever he did was approved and all his mistakes were corrected. If you correct every mistake a child makes how can a child understand that it is a mistake? Well they did this with the intesion of making their child happy. Therefore, there is noone guilty or faulty.
Children couldn’t see their mother and father for a while. That period was crucial since those were the ages when the children and their parents established a bond. Yet the fate had a wonderful job there too. They had to stay away from each other without establishing this bond.
The responsibility of raising the children was left to the second family. They grew up with their grandparents, aunts and uncles. Then they returned to Turkey and took their children back.
Well the little girl didn’t recognize them at all. They were complete strangers to her. She didn’t want to leave and cried for days. She begged her grandmother not to give her to those strangers but it was useless. The people she called strangers were her real parents. However, how would she know? She couldn’t remember.
The little girl always grew up with the feeling of not being loved and she was left behid. Since she was a kid the separation affected her in that way. Later she learned that she had a very conservative mother and overly disciplined mother. Besides learning that she started living with them. Her routine was broken. She always did whatever she wanted. She had everything without demanding and everyone served for her happiness.
However in her new world, she had to forget about everything. It was like she was in a different planet. There was a specific dinner time, everyhing extreme was forbidden, there were rules, there was no such thing showing love ( as their parents grew up without having that info ) Everything was extreme.
As our girl was rebellious, she was beaten during her secondary and high school years. She was a stubborn one who did whatever she wanted.
When her father didn’t want her to study at university, she left home. After all those “ I am going to disinherit you, how can you not obey my wishes? “ from the father and “ How can you not let me build my future? You are not my father “ from the daughter, they did not see each other for 3-4 years.
“I have never been loved and they put the boot in by doing this. “ she thought.
In fact she would understand everything after years. She hads to study and work at the same time. Of course she had to fight, remain strong in order to stand. At least she had to perceived in that way from outside. As it is how it goes. At least it was like that in those years. Then days passed by, they made up etc but the distance remained the same. It didn’t change a bit.
Years passed by and the little girl became a woman. Her marriage was made by taking her parents’ love as an example but it was her parents’ love. Well the little girl needed to find her love to live that. She needed time to understand it. After a while she got away from the standart work life and began the journey of discovering herself.
A long time afterwards she had taken a long way but every time she went back to the beginning and she couldn’t figure out that. One day she realized that she needed her father to caress her head and her mother to call her my dear daughter. She knocked at the door and she was determined. She wanted to have those.
She started talking and she was uncontrolled. Instead of telling them what she wanted, she had a heavy price for them to pay. That price included
You left me.
You do not love me.
You beat me as you did not want me.
You have never showed your love towards me.
You have cared about neither me nor my life.
Both looked at their little daughter in a terrified way. She explained it in a such uncontrolled way that it took them for a while to comprehend it.
Then they started explaining. Their parents never stroked them so they did not know they needed to stroke her. Their head was never caressed so they did not know they needed to caress her head. They were never told I love you therefore, how would they know they needed to tell her that? They didn’t know any other way but beating when one needed to be disciplined so they couldn’t think of any other way.
“You are the right arm and your sister is left arm for us. Whichever you cut, we cannot breathe. You are the reason why we live. We cannot understand why you have told this.” they said. Then they both began crying. The little girl’s world became upside – down. What she had known and believed for years in fact was the opposite. Somewhere deep inside perhaps she knew it but as they had never talked about it she was consumed with the word “ I wonder”.
She opened a new page in her life that day. It took her a while to laugh and cuddle and kiss her parents since it was new concept for them too. After sometime everything was reborn for everyone. After that day she spoke to her father on the phone with love. She had the feeling of both missing time and healing. Later the father had a serious cerebral palsy. Due to that he had problems with walking and talking. He could make less full sentences.
The reason why I wrote this story. “ You are never late for anything or you should never think it is not important anymore. “ Life is ready for giving whatever you are loooking for. Just stand up, go and get it.
The story ended with this scene. They had a swing in their summer cottage and the little girl was swinging slowly with her father. The father hold her and said something by looking at the sky and stars. As he couldn’t make full sentences the girl couldn’t understand every single word but she could guess from his look and the tone of voice.
“Dear God, thank you that I am with my daughter. I am grateful that I have a daughter like this. I am grateful I have seen all before dying.”
Please appreciate the value of everyone you have in your life and when you realize it please hold on to it. We already know that our parents are our most precious wealth but please tell this to them too. Hugh them, kiss them and caress them. Tomorrow can be too late.
Take care of yourself !