Today is April 18th 2016. September 9th 2009 was the date I stepped into personal development world. It is approximately 5 months to complete my 7 year. The ones following my blog and our web site know it but I would like to tell it for the ones who don’t know it that my corporate journey ended in November 2013. Regrets, all the trainings, long nights, blubbers were replaced with thank god. I write all the changes after this when the time and energy is right.
But there was only one topic which made me go through a difficult process full of questions such as whether I would write it, when I would write it, I would dare write it, I had had enough experience, I would be able to be beneficial as I didn’t even know I was able to fix something. It was the hardest topic in which I had to advance and proceed to gain experience. I know the reason now. I am going to tell.☺
Our topic is; “the connection or non connection between the history of sexuality and the real sexuality and its reflection on the world of relationships.”.
I have been working for 4 months to turn this topic into a class and I have finally finished it. I have gone through a lot and there were times I thought whether I lost my mind. Thank god I did.
I experienced what my energy of existence was. Who am I? I experienced the difference the between when I was free from head to toe, the moment how I felt when I managed to silent my judgments and the other person. I withdrew for a while. The world reversed. I couldn’t believe what I lived. If such space existed, how come I or we or humanity or the world couldn’t know about it? This is the starting point of writing my class.
What was the history of sexuality / sex? And how have we been living this in this century? Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness has so many boks on this topic and I have read most of them. I have tried to experience what he has said from the beginning till now. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes I failed yet there was always something missing. I couldn’t find it. It lasted like that for while even after starting to write the class. I wrote and wrote and turned back. I said no and deleted all. There were parts I said I “ couldn’t even understand it, how can I tell about it? “. Then this question came to my mind. Is there somekind of source I can read about sexuality or its history And I found Michael Foucault’s The History of Sexuality masterpiece. ☺ – I am in love with Access! ☺ You ask your questions and the universe opens the door of all possibilities. I am mad about it.-
Well of course as it is a classic written in an elaborated style and 521 pages, it took me a lot to read it. I am thankful and grateful to all the info and Michael Foucault. I understand how it started, developed and continued. When it came to what I had to do there had already been the info of Gary Douglas. I am thankful and grateful to him too because of my new life and for being an inspiration to me in my choices. I also admire his assistant Dain Heer for teaching me and making me experience the journey of all information in energy world . What is possible for being an inspiration to an infinite number of people? What energy, space and consciousness can we be in order to make them contribute to the change of world together? Where can we put our energy?
Now I will try to identify and describe the difference between two worlds. My aim is to show you the energy you experience and where it takes you. There is so much information that I will describe it without losing its essence as far as possible.
I named two people and tried to explain their processes through my point of view, sophistication experiences and knowledge.☺
I explained the same story with the point of view of both.
VERSION #1
The one feeling free literally and can live it by feeling it inside.
They meet in a group of friends by coincidence. The woman didn’t know that he was coming. She is surprised and she decides to stay within this amazing energy she feels as she likes it. Then they start chatting, finding little things in common and they make both of them smile. Now they share a common ground.
They begin to expand which means they want to feel to energy they are feeling more and they remove their barriers. They move away from their judgments quickly as that moment is precious.
When the gentleman is about to order the first drink he asks what she is going to drink next. He wants to decide on something which won’t lead to stomachache she is busy the next day. Then the moment stops. The courtesy, respect and sexual energy in this sentence touch her soul and turn into gratefulness.
The night goes on and ends with thank yous for both sides but of course with excitement, willingness to see again, the question of what if we continue and heart beat. He as a gentleman express his desire to see her again. She gives him her phone number and the night ends in a magnificent way.
The energy shared, astonishment, good thing he has come and more… She wants to define astonishment and then she expresses these sentences: Everything flowed so smoothly and gently that I am so grateful for this flow. We didn’t stumble, there was respect, excitement, desire for experiencing the bodies but they were all in a world of courtesy. It was what a flow meant to be.
The morning starts in the way it should be for both. She says hello to a magnificent morning in a grateful way by leaving the night in the night and smiling when she remembers the scenes of last night and by thinking that the miracles of life never end. Of course she wants to see the gentleman but her feelings say everything – my soul, heart, brain, mind and body – is so complete that it is amazing to experience this feeling even though we might not meet again.
Then in the afternoon the gentleman texts: „ How was your day? Is everything ok?“ She talks about her day and tells him that everything is better than it is supposed to be thanks to theflow of last night. They both laugh even though they don’t see each other. The gentleman asks whether she has a program and tells her that he wants to see her. After her positive reply he asks about what she wants to do. They agree on a mutual programme and they meet in the evening. Everyone really tried hard for this date. The perfume worn, shining clothes and the meeting moment… It is an unforgettable moment as there are thousands of energy, feelings and messages not told yet thus it is precious.
It is an amazing night – dance, music, philosophies about life, people, future and a very real night. – Everyone is so real with their body languages that the emotions are sometimes surprising, sometimes changing. Of course the night ends. It has to end as the woman is busy the next day but the gentleman is free. He wants to take her home but in fact he wants her body but as a gentleman he just takes her home. When they approach home as she knows he is being a gentleman she asks him what he wants to do. He replies that he doesn’t want the night to end and they should do whatever they want to do. This is exactly what she wants to hear.
They go upstairs together. The woman is scared and nervous because of her nature but she really knows what she wants to do. The gentleman starts chatting, wine accompanies them and then joy joins.
After a while the gentleman begins to caress her with his fingertips –sometimes with small circles sometimes with his own lines – This lasts till she surrenders. The body wants to surrender automatically in such a delicate moment. Then they continue by talking to each other about this night and experience freely, whispering to each other and asking what they want and they don’t want to each other.
Every part of both bodies are honoured by touching. It is not important who the woman or the gentleman is in that point. There is being grateful, gentle and feeling the energy of every touch. There is watching how the touch of the fingers make the bodies pinch. There is forgetting where you are and cutting your whole connection with the world and experiencing life energy. In a making love flow like this the moment you feel the energy of your existence is a outcry telling the aim of your coming into this world.
VERSION #2
The one experiencing it without awareness or not knowing, thinking restricted and that they need to feel sexy.
They meet in a group of friends by coincidence. The woman didn’t know that he was coming. She is surprised, removes her barriers and judges. How come is he invited here for her without knowing? Then they start chatting without being aware of the barriers. Resistance occurs in many topics. There is so many data in her mind: “ Is here for sex?” If I like him and we have sex, is it going to become a relationship? Is he going to love? Is he going to care for me? etc..
The gentleman feels the barrier and knocks on the door of his ego and asks for help. He tells that he is here to have fun and he is not happy in the space he is now and he wants to know what he should do? His ego tells him that he is great and brilliant and most probably she is the one feeling worthless. He shouldn’t step back.
In the beginning of the night both of them choose not to be themselves and have other personalities yet when they both like each other and understand that they want each other everything begins to become complicated.
In fact there are only two participants however others join them too. Ego, personality, judgment, old info and teachings…
While choosing a drink, the sentence I know better flies around and the choice is made☺ – I am laughing as I had been like this for years. ☺ –
The night is over, the numbers are exchanged. It shouldn’t be left to chance. You never know. Maybe it is the excitement of first night. Maybe it is a reaction to a sudden feeling. The night is finished with the hope of change. When it is about to be over, they do not describe the feeling there as there is more complication, manipulation and not being yourself than energy and emotions. If you cannot be yourself, what can you describe?
The morning starts in the way it should be for both. The woman makes sentences with wish when she remembers what she said and did. The gentleman thinks that it was a missing night to complete and thinks about what can be done because if a woman and man like each other the night ends up having sex. If not, a pragmatic way should be find to do so.
The gentleman likes her and desires her but the space is full of road map and energy of completion instead of existence and being in the moment.
The woman begins to wonder if he will call, how she will behave if he calls, what she should wear if he calls etc… Of course the gentleman calls with the love of duty. The plan is made and both are happy about its content. The meeting moment is more tense than the first night for both. There is an incomplete even an unsuccessful night for both even though they wanted each other.
The night begins with higher barriers. All the precautions are taken to end the night with the desired end. The gentleman let the woman pick the place so that the night can flow easily. The messages given during the night are very clear. The messages of the gentleman say that it should be a great night and there should be great sex but no commitments at all. The woman’s data is full of million versions of sentences like: “ This is a gentle and important feeling, it is not something which can be used and thrown away and it should never be treated like this. The woman’s message says that she wants to make love in a gentle, emotional way, she wants to be treated in a compassionate way and she wants to be happy. It is full of million versions of these.
When you look from this angle, it is not possible to gather these messages in a common area. I will explain it at the end.
The end of the night is clear for both. They will have sex. They are both ready for this or whoever they are now.
They have more drinks to relax and the gentleman starts as he has already waited so long and he has no patience to say no to his instincts. He has only this info in his data, the info that it is how it is done. Technical flow starts. A short foreplay, maybe kissing and a bit of touching but it is result – oriented. The woman programs her self to be happy when she is in a flow which doesn’t match with her world and gets involved by sometimes pretending and sometimes thinking that she has to enjoy.
There are millions of untouched parts of both bodies. Instead of being grateful, gentle and feeling the energy of every touch, it will worth everything information becomes active as the realization moment is about to come. Instead of watching how the touch of the fingers make the bodies pinch, the feeling and pressure of come on live this moment so that it can be my turn or I should live it immediately so that he can live it too or he may not wait for me are active. Instead of forgetting where you are and experiencing LIFE ENERGY by cutting your connection with life, they experience the feeling they reach – I do not mean to be mean but this how the datas are – through animalistic instincts.
It took me 1,5 years to write this. There are so much information, observation and experience underneath. The reason why I couldn’t preapre my class for a long time was the decision of how to talk about it. Now I am grateful that I have found it.
There is no judgment, accusation, discrimination, expectation, result in what I have told. There is only the summary of what the energy of existence and sexuality have become by being changed, manipulated and twisted for management and power.
There is only one thing I know today which is when you live, feel that moment and cry it out with all your body there is no turning back. Please find it as it is the MOMENT OF BIRTH OF YOUR ENERGY OF EXISTENCE.